In my obedience, I trusted His love and plan for my life. I wasn’t sure God would ever return my paints, but I knew He knew what was best for me. Instead, He wanted me to invest my energy and talent cooperatively with Him in creating beauty in my children. With His characteristic gentle whisper to my heart, He asked me to shelve my art supplies and my dreams of painting for commission. Several years earlier, God asked me to do something else I didn’t want to do. I was free!īut now God was asking me to die to self. Happily, I thought we were done, all baby gear sold at a garage sale. Really? I felt I had obeyed God enough with my womb, pregnancy was difficult for me, and I wanted my body back. “God, I don’t want to do this again!” God was asking me, telling me, making me be a mother for a sixth time. I cried for three days when I discovered the answer. I had Dennis pick up a pregnancy test on the way home from work. I didn’t want to admit it, but my mind began to panic. An apple dipped in peanut butter might help, but it didn’t. A short rest during their down time didn’t help at all. I remember when, after an exhausting week wrangling five relentless children, I started feeling a little off.

It’s scary, isn’t it? I’ve wondered the same. Why would He do that? How can I negotiate? I really feel God asking me to do something that sounds too hard.

Tina mom of two fuck